NOOBS.........in dota

Noobie is in the game

1. Stereo type of typical uncouth and uncivilized person often shown through improper dresscode during social functions or unmatching haircolor during family dinners.
2. A condescending discriminatory insult.
3. DOTA players with poor ethics and bad manners. And tend to suck as well.





AC: good good. we managed to get into the game
M: hohoho



(The game is full)

Monstakilla: oi, all rdy?

kavmaster: wait host.

Monstakilla: ??????????

kavmaster: wait, i got 3 more friends coming

Monstakilla: fukla, which one?

AC: (wtf??) kick kavmaster. less hassle.

kavmaster: huh don't kick me

kavmaster has left the game.

AC: good kick. 10 9 10 8.5 10

AC: 0.5 for technicality.

(awkward silence)

chilla84 has joined the game.

AC: (To M) they didn't understand...

AC: (To M) dammit another ah beng team..

Pardon the above scenario. I'm just venting my frustration but I think at one point of another we've encountered a team that fits this stereotype. They are semi coherent, uncultured, probably have read only 2 books a year (if flipping through the pages of FHM or COSMO to look for nipple shots is considered 'reading'), taunt you with broken Malayish for the slightest things (like narrowly surviving your Lina combo) and spam the channel with GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGs. Ah bengs.

Of course one might argue that they are just a bunch of immatured children, which cannot be denied either but this is hard to tell when you are trying to visualize the person behind the persona over Battlenet. Then again, it can be said that ah bengs have just about the same mentality as these immatured children, with more spunk.

The thing is, how do we deal with such people? Especially when they begin to hurl insults at you in the game, or threaten to disconnect. Banlists don't scare these people. They may have the articulacy of a washing machine, but they do know how to create a new account on Bnet after having got banned once before for their meticulous disconnective behaviour.

Today I've come up with a list of way to deal with them, which also comes with a figure that indicates the chance of success as based on my past experiences and random observations.

1. Pro Silence

Pro silence is the term I give to people who tend to be excellent in the game, but never once will they utter a word. You can talk to them for hours telling them the plan, and you'll never know if they actually did hear you, but somehow your plan works out and you find yourself winning the game; communication regardless.

In my experience, pro silence does nothing to deter the stereo typical noobie, as they will continue to barrage you with insults after insults which in itself does not hurt, but this takes their focus off the game and they tend to die easier. The ultimatum is a downward spiral of the game as dying, the noobie finds himself blaming you for the deaths even more and thus tries to throw even more insults at your silent name.

The silence makes them uncomfortable. Chance of success: 0%

2. Retaliate!

Sometimes you've had a bad day, or more like your girlfriend has a bad day, and thus you are affected, and as a result when that noobie pisses you off, you return by lashing out at him in the same common denominator vulgar language that he's so very well versed in.

Like the saying goes, never try to argue with an idiot, he only brings you down to his level and beats you from experience. Chance of success: 0%

3. Be Nice

If the going gets rough, you need sandpaper. Thus when an ah beng decides to make you the sole focus of his uncalled for angst, you should try to resolve it by talking things out with the angry bugger. Every remark is returned with a polite sentence, pretty smilies and all. Give him what he wants, and let him have things his way. Perhaps he'll mellow down.

This method is promising, because after all, everyone knows that ah bengs just want people to understand them, which is to see things their way, which in short means to agree to their every whim. This ultimately fails because Apple's Law dictates that there are always 2 or more noobies in any given public DOTA game.

Chance of success: 1%

4. Play Psychologist

Perhaps we could try to unravel the mind of a noob, and thus be able to understand them which might result in a mutual understanding of their kind with us. However, any attempts to deconstruct the noob psyche is dangerous and risky as in trying to do so, you might be sucked into their ever constant playground of a mind and turn into one of them.

In my experience, it doesn't work trying to counsel or console any noobs either as they barely fail to understand your language if you do not place cuss words in between every 2 words and type sentences longer than half of their screen. Besides that, their minds automatically filter out words with 6 characters or more. We know that much at least, and it wasn't easy getting that information.

Hence, don't ever try to understand a noob. Chance of success: 0%

5. Quit the game

Can't take the mental abuse? Don't like the way your bengnemies are treating you? Can't stand that ah beng with the BKB-ed Naix who keeps destroying Moonwells in your base and then laughing about it as if it were something new? Well, there's always the easy way out. For no stress and effort at all, just press the magic Alt-F4.

But that would make you a leaver. Chance of success: -

6. Discuss it on DOTA Malaysia!

Apparently I've run out of ideas, but I'm sure someone who reads this site has better experience at this sort of thing. I mean, forget the noob part. It's a sour stereo type for such players, but what else do you call these people who lack ethics and in the game.

The DOTA community is growing by day, and it's without a doubt that the bad eggs are just about there in any game for that matter but it's high time we taught these people some manners!

The question is, how?